Sunday, May 22, 2011

Realize

these past few weeks have been very very tiring for me.

now, wait...this whole semester has been killing me. but Alhamdulillah, i'm glad that everything is over. midwest games is around the corner and i'm just happy that that is gonna end. soon.

i know i have been whining and stressing about a lot of things. the past semester was pretty tough for me but Alhamdulillah, when i got back my grades, i was surprised that i did really well. in fact, i have never done better than this in my whole academic life. I thank God for everything that has happened. i realized that God has given me a lot of rezeki like my job, friends and education. everyday i pray that whatever happens, how many obstacles i may have, i hope that i overcome them. I know i often feel like dying in the process of things, but i guess it's just how i work.

i've learned that you shouldn't be too busy with things. i don't know, i just wouldn't want to be too busy. i'm not that kind of person actually. the only reason i wanted a job was so that i could travel (and you know where) without having to starve myself. and then when the midwest committee was being established, i felt that i had some sort of responsibility to be in it. never do that.

i'm not regretting being in the committee, i just wished i could have chosen to be inlvoved in these things at different times. the past semester everything happened all at once and i was pretty overwhelmed.

but thank God i have very supportive friends and family. i would not be able to do this without them.

and i feel very bad because sometimes i express my anger or nervousness to people who instead, should only be treated with pure love. at times i wonder whether anyone would ever stay with me, whether or not they see me as stupid and selfish once they know my true colors.

that's the thing...

it's time like these when i realize who my true friends are. who really love me.

most people see me as mature and self-composed (surprisingly). well, they haven't seen me during my worst times.

they haven't seen me when i'm insecure, when i'm crazy...

thank you, for putting up with me <3